You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
