I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
