And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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