Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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