hotel room ftw
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
