I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
