We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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