Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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