I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i need an iv and a liver transplant
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
