you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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