sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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