Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
