after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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