omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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