I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
