Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
