I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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