3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
