fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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