Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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