I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
