Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
