just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bring me that man meat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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