I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
