My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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