I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
