he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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