Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
