see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize