i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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