I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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