Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
