I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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