I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
