the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
