just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
