We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
