Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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