This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
