no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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