The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
