so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
