I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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