that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
