well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
