At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
