I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
