the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's always time for handjobs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
