The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
