So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
