I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
