listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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