I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
