I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
