WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
