Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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