Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement