ADVERTISEMENT

• (281): View more from Texas

  I think about you every night.

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry.

  Fav 14 1017 2509

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

  Fav 13 2827 1006

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Goodnight sugar queer

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sugar queer??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?

  Fav 17 1954 2391

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

  Fav 44 10332 918

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!

  Fav 15 6571 1753

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.

  Fav 7 1152 3965

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

  Fav 14 4551 1647

  share tweet
  

• (641): View more from Iowa

  Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.

  Fav 16 4400 1358

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

  Fav 32 2162 7972

  share tweet
  
• 

  17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

  Fav 3 3017 1064

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one

  Fav 13 2438 985

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (712): View more from Iowa

  On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair

  Fav 4 1421 880

  share tweet
  

• (562): View more from California

  Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!

  Fav 6 580 830

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?

  Fav 4 1514 607

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays

  Fav 0 632 431

  share tweet
  

Randomize