how can u be prego again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.