Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
