Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
