people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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