So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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