I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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