He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
