SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
