I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
