Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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