Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
