I want to walk on stilts...naked
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
