Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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