Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
