ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm too high and old for this...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize