Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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